Archive for Giftedness

Impostor Syndrome: Are You Discounting Yourself and Your Successes?

In the Boston Globe, I read that four smart and talented students at MIT committed suicide within the past year. Among its efforts to help students cope with stress, MIT is encouraging students to talk about the psychological phenomenon called “impostor syndrome,” the feeling of being a failure despite a record of accomplishment.

What is Impostor Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome is common among high achievers, many of whom discount their successes. As a result, they do not feel confident or deserving inside of themselves even though they are objectively successful and perceived as such by other people. Psychological research done in the early 1980s estimated that two out of five successful people consider themselves impostors and other studies have found that 70 percent of all people feel like impostors at one time or another.

The impostor’s thoughts and feelings can be divided into several categories:

1. Feeling like a fake: You may believe that you do not deserve your success, academic standing or professional position. This is accompanied by a fear of being “found out”, “discovered” or “unmasked.” If you feel this way, you might identify with statements such as: “I have tricked other people into thinking that I am more competent than I really am” or “I am often afraid that others will discover I don’t really know what I am doing.”

2. Attributing success to luck: Another aspect of the impostor syndrome is the tendency to attribute success to luck or to other external reasons and not to your own internal abilities. You may refer to an achievement by saying, “I just got lucky this time” or “it was a fluke” and worry you will not be able to succeed next time. You may think you are just lucky, in the right place at the right time, and that’s why you were chosen for a particular job or role.

3. Discounting Success: The third aspect is a tendency to downplay success and discount it. You may discount an achievement by saying “it is not a big deal” or “it was not important.” For example, a student attending a prestigious university may discount the fact that they were accepted or feel like it was a mistake that they were accepted and that they don’t belong or they aren’t as smart as the other students. Or you may say “I did well because it is an easy class” or “I was promoted because my manager left” instead of attributing it to hard work or intelligence. You may also discount your accomplishments and have a hard time accepting compliments.

4. Dwelling on the Negative: You may notice every time where you think you should have done better or where you made a mistake. On the other hand, you overemphasize minor flaws in your performance. You fail to notice, or fail to put enough importance, on what you did well.

5. Unfair Comparisons: You compare yourself unfavorably to others. Frequently you pick out the most outstanding people in your school, company or field and judge your own performance as inadequate and inferior.

Women and Impostor Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome MaskThe term “impostor syndrome” first appeared in an article written by Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes in the 1970s. They observed that many high-achieving women tended to believe they were not intelligent, and that they neither internalized nor accepted their own accomplishments. These individuals attributed their successes to luck rather than skill or talent, and were afraid others would realize they’d been deceived by a fraud.

While both men and women experience impostor syndrome, studies show that women are more often affected. According to Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, boys are raised to bluff and exaggerate. Girls, on the other hand, learn early to distrust their opinions and stifle their voices. Young women learn that they tend to be judged by the highest physical, behavioral and intellectual standards. Perfection becomes the goal, and every flaw, mistake or criticism is internalized—slowly reducing self-confidence.

“A real bias against female competence persists,” says Young. “Being female means you and your work automatically stand a greater chance of being ignored, discounted, trivialized, devalued or otherwise taken less seriously than a man’s.”

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, spoke of her own feelings of insecurity in her best-selling book, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. When Sandberg attended her Phi Beta Kappa induction at Harvard, a woman gave a speech called “Feeling Like a Fraud.” During the talk, Sandberg looked around the room and saw people nodding. “I thought it was the best speech I’d ever heard,” she recalls. “I felt like that (an impostor) my whole life.” At school, Sandberg thought, “I really fooled them.”

Sandberg says, “Many people, but especially women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can’t seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for who they really are – impostors with limited skills or abilities.”

Originally thought to be more common among women, men, too, can be victims of the imposter style of thinking. Even Albert Einstein suffered from impostor syndrome near the end of his life. A month before his death, he reportedly confided in a friend: “the exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.”

Do I have Impostor Syndrome?

Imposter Syndrome DogDr. Valerie Young developed the Impostor Syndrome Quiz (reprinted below). If you answer yes to many of these questions, you may have impostor syndrome:

  • Do you secretly worry that others will find out that you’re not as bright and capable as they think you are?
  • Do you sometimes shy away from challenges because of nagging self-doubt?
  • Do you tend to chalk your accomplishments up to being a “fluke,” “no big deal” or the fact that people just “like” you?
  • Do you hate making a mistake, being less than fully prepared or not doing things perfectly?
  • Do you tend to feel crushed by even constructive criticism, seeing it as evidence of your “ineptness?”
  • When you do succeed, do you think, “Phew, I fooled ‘em this time but I may not be so lucky next time.”
  • Do you believe that other people (students, colleagues, competitors) are smarter and more capable than you are?
  • Do you live in fear of being found out, discovered, unmasked?

Strategies for Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

1) Become aware of your thoughts. Automatic thoughts can be defined as underlying, unquestioned thoughts, which affect how you perceive an event or situation. Realize them for what they are: negative self-talk that has become a habit. Be aware when you engage in thoughts and feelings of an impostor. Awareness is the first step to change and many times we are not aware of our automatic thoughts.

2) Do a reality check. Question your automatic “impostor” thoughts and feelings and try to come up with more balanced thoughts. Understand the difference between your negative thoughts and reality. Identify the critical voice that is doubting your authenticity. It’s not You. Separate yourself from the critical and self-limiting “impostor” voice.

3) Understand the difference between feelings and reality. Some people believe that if they feel something strongly it must be right. “If I feel so stupid, it must mean that I really am stupid.” When you catch yourself thinking in this way, change it to a coping statement of “the fact that I feel stupid does not mean that I really am. It’s a feeling and not reality.”

4) Write down the steps you took to earn the success you achieved. In one column, make a list of what you accomplished on a particular task or project, and in a second column, write the names of people who helped contribute to the success. Come up with realistic responses that give you credit, but also share praise with others who contributed. For example, you could say to yourself, “I’m proud of what I did on that job, and I had the help of a great team.”

4) Replace your negative “impostor” thinking habit by practicing more realistic and helpful self-talk. Remind yourself of how you contributed to your success with thoughts like “I have proven I am capable by…” or “I prepared for this by…” Give yourself credit throughout the day for both major and minor successes. Notice and reframe “yes, but” statement such as “I brought in accounts but she brought in more” to “Even though she brought in more accounts, I brought in many myself.” Focus on your strengths. When you finish a task, you can ask yourself, “What positive qualities do I have that allowed me to do accomplish this?”

5) Be on the lookout for unhelpful coping strategies you engage in to prevent others from evaluating you negatively. For example, if you tend to hold back from sharing your opinions in meetings, take a risk and speak up in a calm and confident way.

6) Celebrate! Give yourself permission to be proud. Let your friends and family praise you. Take some of it in. Let it touch your heart. Being proud of an accomplishment is not the same as being self-centered. After you celebrate, you will probably remember that no matter what you achieved, chances are there is more to do. This can be humbling and healthy, and important to distinguish from the unhealthy internal put-downs.

7) Give yourself a little time to grow into your success, especially if success seemed to come rather easily or quickly. Sometimes you just need time for a new promotion or status to settle in so you can feel like you deserved it and earned it. However, if you think impostor syndrome is keeping you from getting the most out of your life, then you might want to find a therapist to help you work through your thoughts and feelings.

How To Get Help for Impostor Syndrome

The Cognitive Behavior Therapy Center of Silicon Valley offers counseling and therapy for women and men suffering from Impostor Syndrome. We are located in Saratoga on the border of San Jose and Saratoga just 1/2 mile from Highway 85. With our convenient location near highway 85, we serve the Silicon Valley communities of San Jose, Saratoga, Mountain View, Santa Clara, Sunnyvale, Los Gatos, Los Altos, Cupertino and Campbell, CA. Contact us at (408) 384-8404 for more information on how we can help you savor your accomplishments and reduce your feelings of being an impostor at school or work.

Parents: Is Your Child Gifted?

Gifted GirlHow Can You Tell If Your Child is Gifted?

The process of identifying gifted and talented children is a very complex and highly controversial topic. Much of the available literature focuses on the recognition and identification of intellectually and/or academically gifted children. Schools that have programs for gifted students are often able to identify gifted kids by using traditional screening methods like group IQ tests, review of achievement test scores and past grades, observation, and getting input from teachers and parents. Typically, children identified as intellectually and academically gifted must score at, or above, a specified cutoff score to qualify for educational programming provided by school districts and private organizations. Some school districts also use portfolios and other non-traditional assessments to help identify gifted students, but this varies among states and school districts.

Gifted Children Differ in their Giftedness

Even if you child doesn’t score high enough on intellectual or academic achievement tests, there are many forms of giftedness. If you can answer yes to any of the questions below, your child might be gifted in that particular domain.

  • Did your child begin reading before the first day of preschool?
  • Is your child extremely talented in the visual and performing arts?
  • Does your child exhibit an in depth understanding of math and science?
  • Is your child a highly talented swimmer, golfer, or basketball player?
  • Does your child display superb public speaking and leadership skills?

Signs Your Child Might Be Gifted

There are no universally accepted traits that you can look for and no definitive signs that will tell you for sure whether your child is gifted. However, many gifted children share some common characteristics, and knowing these is a good place to start.

Language Skills
While most children are able to form recognizable sentences and understand complex language by about two years of age, gifted children often reach these milestones earlier. As they approach school age, other language skills may appear advanced or sophisticated.

Some of the traits of giftedness to look for when considering your child’s language development in relation to others of a similar age include:

  • A highly developed vocabulary and the ability to learn new words easily.
  • The tendency to speak quickly.
  • The early use of longer, more complex sentences while using appropriate grammar.
  • Early reading, if given some instruction and opportunity. Many gifted children have already learned how to read before entering school.
  • Continually asking questions about what they see and hear, and wanting to receive thorough responses and explanations.
  • The ability to understand and carry out multi-step directions at an early age. (e.g., Go to the dining room, get the blue book on the table and put it back on the shelf in your room, then bring me the clothes on your bed so I can wash them).
  • The ability to understand and participate in adult conversations. Gifted children often pick up nuances or double meanings early on – so watch what you say!
  • The ability to change the language they use when speaking to different audiences. For example, a four-year-old gifted child might use more advanced words and sentence structure when speaking to adults or older children, and then talk in a simpler, more childlike way when addressing his three-year-old cousin.

Learning Abilities

Gifted BoyAll children (all people really, big and small) have an inborn desire to learn about the world around them – to seek out new experiences, figure out the relationship between themselves and their surroundings, to discover, and to learn. What distinguishes gifted children from others is the apparent natural ease and joy with which they go about doing this. Their brains appear to be mental sponges, effortlessly absorbing and incorporating new information and ideas.

Many gifted children are natural learners who show some of the following characteristics:

  • The ability to learn quickly and efficiently – to pick up ideas and skills effortlessly.
  • A tendency to become highly focused on certain areas of interest (e.g., bugs, space, animals) and independently seek out information on these topics.
  • The ability to ask questions that show advanced insight or understanding.
  • A deep fund of knowledge – they know more about the world around them than you would expect.
  • Excellent memory and easy recall of what they previously heard, saw, or learned.
  • A tendency to read often on their own and to frequently prefer reading to more physical activities.
  • Little need for direction or instruction when beginning a new activity, learning a new game, or acquiring a new skill. They may also insist on doing things on their own, or in their own way.
  • Early development of motor skills involving balance, coordination, and movement. Gifted children may also be advanced in some purposeful fine-motor activities such as assembling small objects (e.g., legos, transforming toys, blocks) or putting puzzles together. However, other fine motor skills may not be advanced. Some gifted children are poor at handwriting – although this may be more related to a lack of attention to detail or impatience with the slow and tedious task of handwriting practice than to problems with fine motor control.
  • Pleasure in talking to older children and adults about topics that interest them.
  • An understanding of their own thinking and learning processes. They may have preferred ways of learning and resist using other methods suggested by a teacher or adult. They are able to sense how much and what kind of studying they need in order to master a skill or topic.
  • Creative thinking. Gifted children may enjoy coming up with their own ways to solve problems and take delight in complexity and making connections between seemingly unrelated ideas or concepts.
  • The ability to concentrate on a topic of interest for an unusually long period of time. However, gifted children may quickly shift their attention or appear unfocused when doing something they perceive as unchallenging or uninteresting.
  • An inclination to see learning as fun. They take joy in discovering new interests or grasping new concepts.

Emotional and Behavioral Traits

Gifted children are often more emotionally intense than others. They can also be more sensitive to others’ feelings and circumstances and may display a great deal of empathy in situations where others their age appear indifferent.

Other emotional or behavioral traits to look for include:

  • A high activity level. Gifted children can appear to have an endless source of energy – constantly moving, talking, asking and exploring.
  • The tendency to think and talk fast. Because they may be trying to speak as quickly as they think, gifted children are often asked to “slow down” so the listener can understand them. They can also become frustrated when they feel that others are talking too slowly, or taking too long to “get to the point.”
  • Strong leadership qualities. Gifted kids often make natural leaders who take charge and lead others in new directions.
  • Ability to relate to older kids and adults. Because their cognitive skills and interests can be advanced for their years, gifted kids have an easier time connecting with and learning from those older than themselves.
  • Enjoyment of alone time. While gifted children may enjoy spending time with others, including mental mates (whether their own age or adults), they can also enjoy spending time on more solitary activities such as reading, writing, daydreaming, observing, or just thinking.
  • Appreciation of natural beauty and art. Gifted children may particularly enjoy being around and pointing out trees, sunsets, flowers, the ocean, animals, and other things of inherent beauty. They can also show a deep interest in certain forms of art – paintings, sculptures, or music, for example.

Hidden Gifts

Some gifted children show only a few of the signs listed above, or show traits that are quite the opposite of what you’d expect. For example, some will start to speak late rather than early, some will be emotionally reserved rather than intense, and some appear to think and speak slowly rather than quickly.

Also keep in mind that there are children who show gifted qualities when it comes to language or emotional traits, but who do not appear exceptional when it comes to learning or academics. While some of these kids may have a specific learning disability getting in the way of their performance at school, others may have learned early on to hide their abilities in order to better fit in with others their age, or to avoid the pressures of higher expectations. And of course there are children who show many of the signs here who do not measure in the gifted range once they are tested. Does that mean they are not gifted? Not necessarily. Many kids don’t shine on IQ tests due to test anxiety – or sometimes because of the very qualities associated with giftedness. For example, IQ tests typically have timed subtests, meaning that the faster a child responds or correctly completes a task, the more points she earns. However, gifted children who are perfectionists may respond more slowly than others, taking their time, working carefully and methodically, and checking their responses for accuracy. A gifted child with a high energy level who has a hard time focusing attention on structured tasks may also be at a disadvantage when it comes to performing in the rigidly structured atmosphere of an IQ test.

In addition, children can be gifted in one area (verbal skills, for example) but show only average ability in others (such as perceptual or nonverbal reasoning skills, which are important for math achievement). While these children’s full-scale IQ score might not measure in the gifted range, they may still demonstrate some common traits of giftedness. For example, a verbally gifted child with average nonverbal reasoning skills may still be emotionally sensitive and have an excellent memory.

Identifying giftedness can be tricky, particularly regarding those who test right around that “magic” cutoff point of 130 or so. And IQ tests are certainly imperfect instruments and only one piece of the puzzle. Your insight and instincts, along with those of your child’s teachers, can often be the most important pieces needed to truly understand your child’s unique gifts and potential.