Are You Focused on Learning to Be The Best or Trying to Prove You Already Are?
“Be Good” goals are about proving yourself (being good). When you are striving to “be good,” you are focused on showing yourself and others that you are already completely competent. You are focused on the end result of your performance and showing everyone that you are already the best at whatever you are doing. Mistakes are awful because they contradict the image of yourself as perfect. In contrast, “Get Better” goals are about improving yourself (getting better). When you are focused on getting better, you are interested in learning and growth. You are okay with making mistakes because you know that you don’t know everything. Mistakes are seen as opportunities to learn.
“Being Good” Works When Times are Good
Wanting to “be good” is very motivating and can lead to excellent performance, provided that things don’t get too difficult, according to Heidi Halvorson PhD, author of Succeed. Unfortunately, she says, when the road gets rocky, people who are focused on proving themselves tend to conclude that they don’t have what it takes and give up too soon.
“Getting Better” is Better When You Face Challenges
When we focus on getting better, we take face difficulty with greater calm and use the experience from our learnings to fuel our improvement. Halvorson has found that people who pursue growth often turn in the best performances because they are more resilient in the face of challenges.
“Getting Better” Helps You Enjoy the Journey
When your goal is to get better rather than to be good, you tend to enjoy what you’re doing more and find it more interesting. In other words, you appreciate the journey as much as the destination, says Halvorson. You also engage in deeper, more meaningful processing of information and better planning for the future. You are even more likely to ask for help when you need it, and more likely to truly benefit from it.
“Getting Better” Reduces Anxiety and Depression
If your goals are more about self-growth than self-validation, you will be able to deal with depression and anxiety in more productive ways. Feeling bad will make you get up and take action to solve your problems, rather than just lie around and feel sorry for yourself. Not surprisingly, you will be less depressed than other people who are constantly trying to prove they are capable and worthy, says Halvorson.
Try to Focus on “Getting Better”
The bottom line is, whenever possible, try to turn your goals from being good to getting better. Rather than complain about all the ways in which you, your job or your relationships aren’t perfect, focus on all the ways in which they are going well and can be improved. At work and at school, focus on expanding your skills and taking on new challenges rather than impressing everyone with how smart and knowledgeable you are. When your emphasis is on what there is to learn rather than what there is to prove, you will be a lot happier and will achieve a lot more.
Adapted from Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals by Heidi Halvorson PhD (2010).