If you are a hard core perfectionist, you’ve probably been criticized at some point for it and your perfectionism might have even annoyed or been intimidating to others. There are lots of advantages to being a perfectionist like striving to do your best, producing great work, being successful, paying attention to details, making fewer errors and being someone people can count on. Some disadvantages of perfectionism include overworking, beating yourself up for making mistakes, never feeling like you are good enough, comparing yourself to others and judging yourself on your performance and other externals. On the other hand, some perfectionists procrastinate because the thought of all the hard work required to do a “perfect” job feels exhausting or they don’t take risks because of fear of failure. When perfectionism gets out of control, it can lead to anxiety and depression.

Can You Be a More “Perfect” Perfectionist?

You can learn to be an “perfect” perfectionist by keeping the advantages of perfectionism and minimizing the disadvantages. Some strategies like positive reframing, acceptance and humor are the most effective coping skills for dealing with setbacks and helping people feel satisfied at the end of the day. In contrast, some of the least effective coping skills were venting, denial, behavioral disengagement and self-blame. Perfectionists felt worse after using these strategies.

What is Positive Reframing?

Positive reframing involves trying to see things in a more positive light and looking for something good in what happened. Positive reframing, as you’ll see below, is not about turning a negative into a positive but, rather, being able to see reality in a more helpful light. For example, the reframing skill can help you view a setback as a challenge to be overcome or see failure as a learning experience. Reframing is a way of changing the way you look at something and, thus, changing your experience of it. This can relieve stress and help you create a more positive life before you actually start making any changes in your circumstances.

Steps for Reframing a “Failure”

Positive reframing involves four steps:

• Learn about your thinking patterns. Do you tend to fall into the same thinking traps over and over again?
• Notice your thoughts. Catch yourself when you are slipping into overly negative or rigid thinking patterns.
• Examine the truth and accuracy of your negative thoughts. Be a scientist. Ask yourself: What is the evidence for and against this thought? What would I tell a friend? How helpful is it to think this way?
• Develop realistic responses to your negative thoughts about failure and setbacks. If you can’t think of a more positive response, then be more compassionate with yourself, accept the failure and put it into perspective.

If you want to be feel good about yourself and live a more satisfying life, the best way to deal with failure and setbacks may be to accept it, reframe it realistically and compassionately, and then have a good laugh about it.